Posts Tagged ‘manager has pink hair but back then it was truly something from another galaxy’

Just because my name is Jolli…

Wednesday, August 29th, 2012

Crimson Jack’s second in command is Jolli, an angry, young man-hating space babe. For someone who hates dudes so much, she’s made a peculiar choice of career – hanging out with a bunch of horny space pirates, wearing bright red knickers. To be fair, Jack himself can’t be bothered to put any trousers on, so I dunno, maybe the air conditioning is knackered on that ship. She also wears a green beret, presumably because she just doesn’t give a fuck. When Han Solo arrives on board, Jolli starts to have some confusing feelings. Well, she’s only human, and he’s monumentally good looking, roguishly charming, and manages to make a waistcoat look cool. At this point, at the age of six, I should have realised that I needed to start modelling myself on him. Instead, I think I still wanted to be C-3PO, so there was no hope for me.

Young Jolli never got to have sexy times with our dashing Corellian scoundrel. Instead she was betrayed by the pirates (surprise), and ploughed a Y Wing Fighter into the side of Jack’s Space Cruiser. We learn that as a child she was also abandoned by her father which led her to a life of piracy and barely dressed misandry. This may have been my first experience of pathos.

If the UK editions of Marvel Star Wars series had been printed in colour, I can only presume I would now have a fetish for girls with pink hair.

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