Cast

Age 24. Has had quite a few “years out”. Studies history, but finds the current curriculum to be far too heavily weighted in favour of The Industrial Revolution, and not nearly enough emphasis on necromancers. Owns a lot of very old books about folklore, cults, magick etc. Doesn’t get out much. Mildly paranoid. Has seen ghosts, demons, fairies and the giant rat of Sumatra, but so far no vampires. People tend to think she’s a bit strange.

  • Likes: Anonymity, solitude, antiquarian bookshops.
  • Dislikes: Fast Food, ignorance, heels.
  • First Crush: David Bowie in Labyrinth
  • Ideal Saturday Night: Discovering hidden meanings in the writings of various philosophers and prophets, and learning esoteric mental disciplines.



Age 21, acts 12. Hails from Worcester, in the West Midlands. Studies Film & Media. This involves eating pizza and watching movies, drinking heavily, going out and getting more drunk. Has vague ambitions of being a film director, mostly because it involves meeting lots of hot actresses. Accidentally signed up for a course on Andrei Tarkovsky because he thought it was the guy that did Samurai Jack. During a particularly drunken night out he convinced his flatmate Tony to get a Mandalorian tattoo, whilst avoiding getting one himself.

  • Worst Moment: Being kicked in the bollocks by Juliette Bolton, at age 13, in front of all her mates
  • Ideal Saturday Night: Rocking out in a hot sweaty club and getting off with attractive young ladies
  • Dislikes: Spending money, conformity, sobriety, doing essays and getting kicked in the bollocks.
  • Likes: Hannah


Born in Sheffield, South Yorkshire. Only child. You can tell. Studies computer programming. Has developed a consciously surly demeanour, in stark contrast to his naturally surly demeanour.The first person he met at university was Lee and they’ve hung out ever since although neither of them seems to have any reason to. Secret ambition is to see Bill Gates grovel like a dog before him. Had a really weird experience with a tramp when he was 10.

  • Claim to fame: Once had a pint of Worthington’s spilled over him by Jarvis Cocker.
  • Ideal Saturday Night: Hacking into restricted websites, and downloading expensive software for free
  • Likes: Computers, Gadgets, Electronics, Hollyoaks, being an only child.
  • Greatest Fear: Not being able to think of anything sarcastic to say

Fine Arts student. Painting and sculpture have always been the two things that have driven him, up until the point when he started at university, when he realised that what he really wants to do is undulge his love of vinyl and open up a second hand record shop. Thinks that the blokes in High Fidelity were a bunch of “part timers”. Likes: French soundtracks, electronica, acid folk and pretty much every other musical genre except happy hardcore. Still doesn’t know what a Mandalorian is. Most embarrassing moment: getting Holger Czukay mixed up with Erdal Kızılçay

English student. Thinks she’s hot. Is right. Lives in halls with Hannah but rarely talks to her. 85% of her past boyfriends have been blokes in bands. Favourite TV show: Slut Patrol. Fantastic Fact: All her immediate family are members of the Six of One Society

Ex paramour of Tony. Cynical and sullen, although she has a secret enthusiasm for dopey 80s movies such as The Goonies, Gremlins and Ghostbusters. And some others that don’t start with G. Hails from grim seaside town and spiritual heartland of goths everywhere, Whitby.

Studies Journalism. Currently a big wheel in the production of the University magazine PolyGone. Known to close friends as a bit of a Sci Fi freak. Thinks Deep Space 9 is the greatest achievement in human history. Claims that “stupid things” happen to him constantly.

Archaeologist, explorer and sometime underwear model. Has appeared in lads’ mags, and in ad campaigns for popular computer game series. One of the Hampshire Henderson-Joneses. Likes Motley Crue, Poison and Vangelis.

Hannah’s uncle and his wife. Because Hannah’s mother tended to disappear a lot, going travelling with little notice during her childhood, she spent a lot of time living with these two. Likes: Folk Rock, cider and the countryside.

Local band made good. Have become (some would say inexplicably) popular despite being yet to release their first album. This is mainly due to their online networking community MySnatch. Previously a jokey indie outfit called Vic Flange, the general consensus of the mainstream music media is undecided whether they “get the joke” and “The Snatch”‘s music is based on an ironic detachment to a generally unfashionable musical style (ie Doors influenced quasi-80s Goth), or that there isn’t any joke and they’re crap, but it’s alright to like them as long as you know they’re crap. I’ll never understand “cool” people.

Studies Business. Beck’s sidekick. Serial monogamist. Has bad taste in men. Not fond of cats.

Lives with Lee, Tony and Dave. Sarcastic to a fault.

Studies Film & Media, along with Lee. Has a bit of a crush on Tony, but has yet to actually talk to him.

Photography student. Has contributed to PolyGone. Tends to take charge of situations ie. does all the stuff that Dave should do.

Holger Czukay mixed up with Erdal Kızılçay
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